Loneliness

Hello loneliness I love you

I feel you in my jaw causing tension in my throat

Floating down the side of my rib cage

Catching my breathe on bird wings and butterflies

Images in the back of the brain of love lost and settling down

Watching the twists and turns taking flight on the naval

Swimming in a pool of sunshine poking out the back

Fabulous loneliness pushing conversations towards any and all who wander

Human frailty cast upon isolation and fantasies of that face

Pressure to perfection in standing taller than the person I was before

Dainty loneliness how I hold you near

Comfort and care to place it at the center, with angels and cloud cover

Dreams

Soul search

Nature and pixies

Matching its moan to songs of brighter days

Phenomenal loneliness

Equal in all stride

Kissing all sides of earth

Giving it a second chance at waking

Guilt

Guilt I love you

My constant companion

The pillar of my thoughts

How I looked to you for comfort from my own judgement

Stuck in my throat never to reveal

Saving face in holy matrimony

Beloved guilt

Remembrance delivered and wandered at what could have been

Off the hook by personal standards of decorum

Walking myself off free from responsibilities to cry and come clean

Glorious guilt

Treasure of my heart how I honor you and all your teachings

Pointing me in a new direction

Far from resolve and close to exhale

Pin pricks in moments left heavy and grieving

A body of evidence to reminisce on today

Valuable guilt

A guide in the pocket

Visions

Sugarplums

Dancing with spirit

Free to explore

In Jesus and Tara

Along all saints

How elegant you dance

On crescent moons soon to rise again on the background of your beautiful life

Shame

Hello shame, I love you

Swaddling my rib cage

Buckling knees in shallow waters

Carried over from ancestors long dead and holding microscopes beyond the grave

Wonderful shame, how I adore you

Following my every move

Keeping things in line down the crowded hallway, past the nurses office

Staring out the door waiting for the whistle to blow off steam in a running takeoff

Dear dear shame, how lovely you are

To be a constant companion setting up a guarantee to belonging with the bloods and crypts who bore my life

We speak gentle

Subtle

Hidden

Bondage security to what I say and what you do

I love you shame

Through God and glory

Grace and Gaia

walk beside me so that I can see

Past

Visions

Spirit unleashed

Love

Re-wired

Fear

Hello fear I love you

Dark spots clogging throats

Pinching heart

And clouding mind

Marinated from the womb

Cultivated at the dinner table

Companion to the new world order

Dear fear

How I love you

Lost child neglected in the cold

Far from god

Left to devices automated

Shaking in thought

Worried by sight

Hidden from light

Wonderful fear

My darling to waking ascension

Innocent pucker

Squinty lids shut tight

Heartache and thunder

Shifting into the night

Captivating fear

How I love you so

Steady through the spirit

Visions

Love

Fear

I embrace you

Gloria

Grace

Be so

Heard

He bought me a pole lamp

Not a diamond or gold but a pole lamp the bastard besides me

Do you hear me kids a pole lamp

Heard

He bought me a blender

Not a box of chocolates or a tropical honeymoon but a blender

Did you catch that bratty a blender

Heard

He knocked me up four times over. He wanted six to form a football team but left me abandoned to go to work.

Do you know my sacrifice children

Heard

Spanish girls don’t have abortions and if you fall in love baby boy who will take care of me

Do you get it spoiled ingrates

Heard

You owe me so why do you need a party for your birthday or graduation or that ridiculous item on that Christmas list

I put a roof over your head do you see that

Heard

He won’t hold hands with me on the beach

Or sit cuddle me in bed so I need you baby girl to be my best friend

Do you feel my love bomb little ones

Heard

How dare you lock that door

Under my roof

Eat my food

Watch my tv

Don’t you know that your diary is my only entertainment as a house hold drudge

Thanks to you

Thanks to him

And better than the neighbors that refuse to cut our side of the bushes

The ones with all that money but leave up a rusty mailbox making us look bad

I know you hear me

Through those headphones

That I paid for

On the telephone with those nasty friends that got my number who I never did like

Don’t you care about me most, do I need to yell it again offsprings

Heard

What did you say

Heard

Are you talking back

Heard

You won’t survive without me

Heard

Can I ring your neck

Heard

But I still love you so no tears and never complain. Heard?