Hello expressionists. I know it is still october but using my creative license i am going to bypass this last week. october was one of the most painful for me as i lost my mind so in honor of reclaiming myself i will bend time.
The rules: no rules just each morning (each day) write at least 5 lines of stream of consciousness. Even if it is just babble babble babble… blah blah blah. The intention is to get the pipes moving, kinda like running the water for a few minutes before it gets hot. Join me on the adventure of the mind and imagination. (for reference see “the artist way”.. k so i can’t say if i don’t also do so here is mine……. let it go let it flow… EME
money money shit shit money money ucky what the how in the world why is it so hard money do people just value me on money is that my only worth. how can be in the world and have love in the world when i am see as a paycheck or a charity check or a mental check or a no check blubberbut.
my mind is having such a hard time wrapping itself around who to trust and who to not. i have been fooled so many times by friends and lovers who act like i matter but are quick to throw me under the bus when the arrogant popular leaches claim i am not worthy. i never quite understood how liars and cheaters and scammers gain so much power and influence to make normal men and woman protect them and not the ones who prove to be loyal. i don’t want to build a wall around myself anymore but can’t rely on the words of those pretending to be real. this culture of mean girls and mean guys put on a pedestal and showing emotion or vulnerability is pushed to the side so easily. this evil truth of this time in history is just a drop in the bucket to give me material to fuel my writing and motivation to lock my door.
today a new day and worried to move forward not knowing what is too much and what is not enough. the brave wilderness of being open and bold and scared and self conscious and don’t give a shit and who knows what will come out of my mouth excitement and terror at the same time not giving a shit not giving a shit while giving a shit today new day hello.
good morning pages now stop trying to control and censor my thoughts and words to not be vulnerable. be the example be brave play to an audience of one. no body is judging you and those who are, aren’t worth a dam so do you. do you you you cock a doodle dooooo beeee dooo beee doo beee dooo. who who. sue sue. moo moo. me my moon two two. how bout you you. two
Fear fear fear fear. Can I be who i am without punishment. Can I be who I am without strings attached. Can I be me calm and relax. Fun and play. Can it be me despite the family. Yes sir reeee yippee. I see.
Election day. my first one not voting. my first one not fighting. my first one not arguing. my first one not bombarded by lawn signs and stupid conversation. When i see my neighbors they say Hi and go back to their business. life is good. weird. scary but good.
i knew it. i told you all so. i said it. it is a shit show. i knew it. i felt it. i saw it. wow so good but so evil. now we all get to sit in our own karma and hopefully re do our country of origin to win win natural fairness. who knows it could happen.. glad i did not waste my time voting.. good call self.
no i didnt vote. out of my comfort zone but loving it. a hypocrite to my own vow. a deep deep need to shake things up and wake them up. to be different. to do different. to redefine insanity to not give a shit. not really but not let giving a shit sway me or delay me or doubt me… to each his own.master.
i am feeling perplexed. with politics and power and the power we give men and the venom we give woman in our american and world culture. the burka and genital mutilation. why did we rally around bill clinton as librals even though he took advantage of an intern. a child. an young amitious woman starting her life in a world of huge man dick penis sex energy. to be young as a boy or girl in a world of adult penisis and pusssy’s with power is insane. we force our yound adults to be stronger than their bosses and parents and teachers and mentors yet hang them out to dry when they get caught being young and green. wanting to make something of themselves in the world an blessed to have landed in the highest opportunity in the world. A man, A blow job. The oval office. The adult. but we blame hillary. why.. more importantly how… how did we get here… merica.. the beautiful.
Woman and I am positive men too have been conditioned to feel guilty when a person of “anyone” sexually harassed you. No means no the first time. The second time we feel annoyed but don’t want to be a bitch dick. The third time we are annoyed but politely firm and the fourth time we avoid you at all cost. We know the danger of giving them hope but we still feel guilty for being rude and blowing the whole thing out of proportion and rejecting a poor wretched soul. Do we regret kicking them to the curb. “Hell mutter pumpkin NO”. #MEETOO
So I am up happy it is still November and glad to be on this morning pages journey with you. It has been over 10 years since I did the course of the artist way and it is so much fun sharing it naked in the red light this time around. You still have time to start your November morning pages cuz “there are no rules”. Play. Enjoy:). Let it go let it flow??!!