my cousin raped me. I just realized that she raped me. I was 12 and she was 16. I spent my whole life thinking that she was a child and that i was somehow at fault because I was going through puberty. It never dawned on me that 16 year olds don’t molest 12 years olds, especially their cousins. It is not normal yet I punished myself for allowing her to touch my breasts. I doubt I had any significant breast but I remember that exciting time of life reading “Are you their god it’s me Margret” and feeling like my boobbie buds were the biggest things in the world.
I am angry that my parents and her parents (my aunt) did nothing to protect me or comfort me. I am angry that they did not allow me to grieve my sexual innocence then and at age 7 when my oldest brother fondled me. I say fondled, though it was so much more, but he was 12. A true child. That did not excuse him from years after of inappropriate touching that finally ended when I called him out on a butt slap. I was 22. My family has since disowned me for addressing these truths out loud and to them I am now dead. I am taking my power back from keeping the family secrets for a family that does not exist anymore. I was raped by my brother and my female cousin and my parents did nothing about it. Just because I was a victim does not mean I am a victim. It happened and I have a absolute right to be angry about it. I have the right to be Sad about it. I have the right to feel hurt by it and most of all I have a right to talk about it. Whenever I want, however I want and as often as I want. Child Abuse is never acceptable no matter how bad their PARENTS had it. Child Abuse creates CHILD abusers. The rest are left to murder or suicide. Anger is a natural response and needs to be felt. Hug your children often. If you spend more time yelling at them than holding them:::: Get thee to therapy right away or dial in friend. Be kind to children and don’t be afraid to be nosy on the ones who have the saddness in their eyes. You could be their only hope. We are all each other’s children.