Physical creatures being pulled in multiple directions holding tightly to not be controlled; I ponder the concept of forgiveness.
Resentment plays a necessary part to keeping my heart safe and leaving all faces blurred by distance.
To bring them close is to get lost in an illusion masquerading as sister, brother, mother and father.
Forgiveness provides me a clever way to show the world how good I am, while rebelling against it in a form of hypocrisy of conditioned emotions.
Do I only forgive you when you forgive me and what is the proof that it is real. Judah or Jesus, each met with the same fate.
I surrender to all the labels and uniforms in which bubbling rage made fulfilled.
Ahead of the joke, thinking my clever act would bring my redemption.
Forgiveness testing my former self against my future self, not too sure of whose rules to follow so I forfeit the game.
The more I manipulate the narrative the longer egg dries upon my face.
Defining myself to the chapters of my own book and bisecting each precious now into two piles that linear life forces upon us all.
Complexity will not survive in the rat race and stilted postures don’t seem to fit.
Stronger now by allowing myself to be seen as curious eyes want to dress the shell.
Reacting never got me anywhere but I didn’t bother to tell my mouth.
This concept continues to show itself as multi dimensional underneath each repressed insight forming another body to prove it to.
Deep waters lie still as I let forgiveness define me and not the other way around, leaving the work to god.
Standing alone to sort it out without the suit of armor that cast shadows speckled with all my misdeeds.
Forgiving myself for trusting those who created the metal and bringing me back from the edge of distraction.